Ever take a trip down memory lane to middle school? For most of us, it was an awkward time in our lives where nothing seemed to fit right, our feelings were all over the map, and the gym locker room had some serious odor oozing from it.
As I reflect back to my middle school days, there were many times we all just wanted to fit in. We wanted to be like all the other kids- wearing the same name-brand sweatshirts, baby blue striped Adidas sneakers, hair permed yet slightly grown out, braces in tact and bands matching said shoes, glitter on our cheeks (and arms, and neckline, and hair), a few butterfly clips adorn to our bangs, light purple lipstick, and covered from head to toe in that bath and body works cucumber melon body spray.
But as I look back, I wish I could have given middle school me the advice I am about to share:
Life is NOT about learning how to fit in, it IS about learning how to belong!
Did you know the opposite of belonging is fitting in? Yep, you read that right. Fitting in means looking at and studying the people around you and changing who you are to become more like them. Fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else. Fitting in is literally like being clay, molding yourself into the shape a group of people or society believes you should be.
But belonging is being accepted for you. Belonging means not changing who you are as a person. Belonging demands that we be who we are. Belonging means being your true authentic self and finding where you naturally belong. When we belong, we feel true freedom, true connection, and a sense of self worth and acceptance. This is where our gifts and passions are ignited and light fires that cannot ever be extinguished.
But how can we do this? How can we avoid trying to fit in and instead be our authentic selves and find that sense of belonging?
1. Find yourself again. What do you actually like and dislike? Literally make a list. If you cannot decide, its time for some self exploration and gold old fashioned trial and error. I suggest prayer as well here. Do you actually like getting your nails done or hair cut or colored that way? Do you actually like those kinds of movies or music? Do those clothes and shoes actually feel comfortable and make you feel confident? Do you actually enjoy and feel better after all those books and magazines you read or the social media accounts you peruse? Or are you just going along with all of these things because a friend, or a group, or society says so?
2. Get out more. Your tribe of people whom you belong are not going to be on "where's Waldo" hunt for you. They are not going to come to your door knocking and expecting to find their next best friend (unless they are a girl scout selling cookies, they will always belong at my house). You cannot stay on your couch at home every weeknight. You are likely going to have to go into the unknown to find your own tribe of people who are just as loving, awkward, and weird as you!
3. Get out of your shell. Try serving at your local church or community in a ministry or cause you are interested in. It could be a coffee team, a parking team, an usher/greeter, the kids ministry, the list goes on and on. Serving others will help you reset your focus, find new passions and opportunities, learn if you really like that ministry or cause, and it will also naturally help you find people like you that have similar passions and talents.
4. Be brave. It takes courage and faith to step out of the shadows and into the light of who you are called to be. It is not always easy, you may not be accepted by some, and you may even lose a few friends in the process. And if you do, it's okay because they too probably need to find their own tribe as well.
Fitting in is like drawing the short straw. It is actually much easier to try to blend in, be unseen, look and act like everyone else, and pretend you are okay. But the end result is not so pretty. We lose ourselves, we lose our purpose and sense of direction, and find ourselves quite unhappy and unmotivated later in life.
But when you find a sense of belonging, I promise you it is like coming out of the dessert welcomed with the freshest glass of sparkling water you've ever tasted. Its knowing your people truly understand you, get you, and have your back when you slip and fall in life. Its knowing you have the support and encouragement you need to further steward your gifts talents to make the world a better place. Belonging is where we can truly be ourselves, and ultimately be who God called us to be.
"Let the King of my heart Be the wind inside my sails The anchor in the waves Oh oh, He is my song Let the King of my heart Be the fire inside my veins The echo of my days Oh, He is my song
'Cause You are good You are good, oh oh"