Have you ever had a day or season where it felt like the hits kept coming? Like most things that could go bad, did go bad? In those days or seasons you might say something like “surely it cannot get any worse then this” but then it does?
Sometimes life can have us feel a lot like we are in the wave pool. At the edge or surface it’s oh so manageable. But as we get closer to the middle, the waves are pretty gnarly and we must focus not only on keeping our head above water, but also keeping sure that our swimsuit bottoms don’t fall off too. The closer you get to the deep end, the more we struggle, strive, and have to catch our breath. It’s hard work! It’s exhausting, tiring, and your two piece suit might not make it out in tact!
I think life (and grief ) very much feel this way at times. I myself had a bout of grief this past weekend and it was a doozy. I was swimming in my own tears, my pillow sopping wet, trying to keep quiet as to not wake my loves in the house.
It’s really hard to keep your pain, grief, and tears in. Your nose gets all stuffy, snot starts to run, and somehow you have to pee. (Fun fact- you cannot easily cry and pee at the same time).
But in all seriousness, keeping those feelings to yourself is not recommended. It can actually be quite damaging in the long run - to yourself, your family, and your relationships.
In my experience- my first response is not to ask “why, God, why”. Instead my prayer and ask is “for what purpose God”. It’s funny how the simple change in that question or prayer will get you a much quicker answer.
Truth is- life is completely unfair. I likely won’t understand on this side of heaven why my God let me have ovarian cancer, then why he let me go through the waves and trials of adoption, and then only to take my baby girl, Olly, to heaven only a month before her second birthday.
The question “why” is a tough one that most people are terrible at answering. No, I didn’t do anything bad to “deserve” this. No, God didn’t put me through this as some sort of test of strength. And lastly, no, God didn’t need her in heaven more than he needed her on earth.
But the question “for what purpose” is a peculiar one. Perhaps God is using my story (and Olly’s story) for good. Perhaps he is preparing my family for even more blessings and in all of this building up our character, faithfulness, and hope. Perhaps he is allowing me to shine a light to others in the darkness, pointing them to the way, the truth, and life everlasting.
The question “for what purpose” gives me comfort. It gives me a purpose for my pain, sorrow, and grief. It helps me to examine my waves from a 500 foot view.
Now wouldn’t that be nice to always see our lives from this view? I’m sure I personally would have take a few less “scenic routes” in my life had I had a view like that, and knew which path to take at every twist and turn.
One more response I have when the waves come at me is to repeat promises over my life. Ever feel like when it rains it pours? Well when I grieve, that always seems to be the enemy’s cue to walk through my front door (without even knocking first) and start speaking nonsense and lies to me. Things like “your not good enough” or “it’s always going to be like this” and “where’s your God now” are often the lines I hear on repeat.
Repeating verses or scripture, Ooooh- now that’s like a sucker punch to the enemy’s gut! Simple words like “God is always with me” or “great is your faithfulness to me” and “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” are my sword and shield against the enemy’s lies. Can’t think of a verse? I promise you any Christian song is full of them. Just starting repeating the lyrics and you’ll surely find one.
My last response when the giant waves come, is to reach out. Sometimes that’s my husband, other times a close friend or two. Letting someone we trust know we are vulnerable and the inner thoughts we have is actually a sign of strength. It shows maturity, trust, and faithfulness.
Now back to the wave pool- we know it’s hard work, tiring, and can literally take your breath (and swimsuit bottoms) away. But isn’t the wave pool more enjoyable with a friend? When we let someone join us on the journey it’s suddenly more tolerable, less scary, and much more joyous.
So the next wave you ride- be it a small set back, a major loss, or a tsunami of grief, I pray you’ll remember to ask the right questions, speak truth over yourself or the situation, and let others in to support and encourage you.
“God of Abraham
You're the God of covenant
And of faithful promises
Time and time again
You have proven
You'll do just what You said
Though the storms may come and the winds may blow
I'll remain steadfast
And let my heart learn, when You speak a word
It will come to pass
Great is Your faithfulness to me
Great is Your faithfulness to me
From the rising sun to the setting same
I will praise Your name
Great is Your faithfulness to me”
-Promises, by Maverick City Music