Two Truths and a Lie

Many of us have experienced the ever popular ice breaker called "two truths and a lie". You basically make three statements about yourself (one of them being untrue) and ask the group listening to guess which statement was a lie. This ice breaker has been used in businesses, churches, summer camp, even sleepovers to help people get to know one another and build comradery.

Well today ladies and gentlemen... we are going to ask a friend of mine named Grief to come play. You see- Grief and I have been very close friends for several years. Grief entered my story as a full-time cast member when my daughter, Olly Belle, was diagnosed with a terminal illness in September 2019. Six short months later Olly was welcomed home in heaven. Grief - he and I have logged quite a bit of time together - whether it be one-acts, disagreements, ugly tears, or uncovering all sorts of truths (and lies).

If our life is a story, Grief is that friend that is always present throughout the entire book. He never truly leaves the story for good- you can find him often lingering in the background, pretending to be an extra, or watching the other characters from afar. In my story- he is often the character I roll my eyes at when I read ahead and see he has lines in the next chapter.

Let's get started with some truths:

1. Grief doesn't play by any sort of rulebook (more than just two truths and a lie are coming). Grief is just as unique to an individual as a fingerprint is. There is no playbook, scorecard, or rules to follow.

2. You cannot hide from Him. He finds ways to surprise you - whether it be today, tomorrow, or two years from now. He is sort of like that whack-a-mole game at chuck-e-cheese.

3. Grief can be beautiful, especially when we watch young children experience it so raw, honestly, and faithfully. Grief can remind you at the oddest moments just how much you miss something or someone, whether it be a ladybug, cotton candy sunset, or a cute picture on a duffle bag.

4. Grief can feel like a giant tsunami or waves at times. He can make you feel underwater, like you have lost your breath and need a lifeboat. Don't worry - that lifeboat is coming.

And now for some lies:

1. Time will heal and make Grief go away! Oh this one gets under my skin sometimes. Time does not heal, it just allows time for Grief to have a wardrobe change. In my humble opinion- Grief morphs, changes, evolves, and eventually shows up less frequently in our stories as we learn more about him, how to walk past him confidently, strengthen our faith muscles, and mature as Christians.

2. At least you had the time you did with said person or situation. Excuse me... but is there some sort of unwritten rule I was never taught about an amount of time deemed "enough" with a family member or friend? Of course not! There will never be enough time on this side of heaven for any of us. That is why the bible says "number your days" (Psalm 90:12) and that "we do not know what tomorrow will bring, for we are a mist that appears for a little time" (James 4:14).

3. God needed them more than we did. Oh my- when did death become a response to a need by God. He has no needs (chuckles over here). God has a plan for each and every one of us and will call his good and faithful servants home when it's time. "The Lord bless you, and keep you, make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you, and give you peace" (Numbers 6:24-26).

4. "You‘re so strong" or "I would die" if the tables were turned. Oh-Mylanta this one!!! I don't think that you choose strength in these situations. You chose to keep your head above water or drown. Most of us chose to grab a life jacket and lean on our support systems, our beliefs, and God. Psalm 121:1-8 says that our "help comes from the lord" and that "he watches over us, our lives, our coming, and our going, now and forevermore".

5. The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle. Can I be real- since when did we decide that God dishes out tragedies in proportion to our skill set or ability to handle them? There are so many tragedies in life that are not orchestrated by God - free will anyone? Can we all agree that crappy things happen to really good people? They did nothing to "earn" the tragedy they experienced.

If you are someone grieving today- I am with you! I see you! I care about you! You are not alone and you are loved beyond measure. I encourage you to lean into your support systems, lean into your faith, lean into the grief, lean into God's power and perfect peace.

It's okay to be mad, angry, ticked-off, and wanting to give God a piece of your mind. Its okay to shout at him. He can take it, truly he can! The bible says in Psalm 34:18-19 that "the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all".

There is a beautiful song I run to in times of grief or uncertainty. I encourage you to give it a listen if you find yourself underwater today- waiting for a friend to toss you a life jacket and row that lifeboat your way:

"Life can take our breath away Tragedy can leave a wake A broken heart won't ever beat the same Pain can stop us in our tracks Losing what we can't get back Shaking the foundations of our faith

No matter what's in my way No matter the battles I face

You are still my God"

- Amadeo by Ryan Stevenson