Fifteen years ago on June 24th, I walked into the hospital for an operation that would change the trajectory of my life. The doctors had discovered a large mass in my abdomen and suspected some sort of cancer.
I remember that day vividly (up until being wheeled back to the OR). I remember my "last supper" and the Kepswhich ice cream sandwhich I devoured at 11:59 pm. I remember taking my hibiclense shower and having to forgo deodorant, lotion, and my favorite perfume that day.
I remember walking into the hospital and the fire alarms going off. I remember getting that wretched IV in after three attempts with an inexperienced nurse, my blood all over the blankets. I remember trying to decide pain management while waiting- different people convincing me an epidural was the way to go. I remember forgoing that as I had already been traumatized by the IV. I remember my surgery being delayed and sucking on the mint toothbrush sponges as I became hungry and more irritated. I remember the calf pressure cuffs haphazardly squeezing my legs and the discomfort and awkwardness setting in.
I remember my oncologist coming to tell me hours after the scheduled surgery that the blood work finally came back positive for cancer and that I was on deck for the operation. I remember being terrified of all the "what ifs" such as what if I don't wake up from the anesthesia or what if they deem the tumors inoperable. I remember being rolled back to the OR and laying on the bed with my arms strapped to the bed, thinking this is sort of how Jesus might have felt with his arms restricted on the cross.
I remember the bright lights and the steril smells and sea of light blue and teal scrubs. I remember the doctors asked me to count backwards from 100 and I maybe made it to 87. I then remember waking up, my fathers big hands holding mine. With beeps and chirps from all the machines. I was awake and that meant I was still alive!
I recall these memeories not because they are so important, but rather that they were pivotal in my next chapter as a cancer patient. It was the beginning of a scary yet beautiful story I am still living to tell.
Our greatest enemy is not disease, but despair. Disease can bring us down, but dispair will bring us down a hole we may never dig ourselves out of.
I honestly don't know how people survive life's greatest trials without faith, family, and friends. It was my family and friends that kept me out of the depths of despair and instead kept me in the light and laughing along the way (even when it hurt to laugh at times).
Galatians 6:2-12 says "carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." I believe it's no accident the good people God places in our lives. He knows we will need these people (and they'll need us too) in the seasons our paths cross.
Carrying someone's burden doesn't mean you are doing all the things for them. Nope- it means you can sit with them, empathize with them, pray with them, and experience the trenches with them. Carrying a burden means your a shoulder to cry on, a giver of hugs, and holder of hands when there just are not any words to say.
I aknowledge that some of us find healing on the other side of heaven. Believe me, I have been on that gut wrenching side of the fence too with my late daughter, Olly.
I encourage you, whatever you may going through: a heartbreak, a diagnoses, an unexpected turn of events, or bitter disappointment, that you are never alone. Your God is always there and loves you and didn't abandon you.
Quite the contrary- he's know for awhile this might happen and has strategically placed the people in your life to support you. We just have to be brave enough (and let go of some of our pride) to ask for the support.
My sincere prayers go out to you and whatever hardship or heartbreak you may be going through. May you find peace and strength in ways and places you never thought possible.
One of my favorite poems:
Cancer is so limited!
It cannot cripple LOVE
It cannot shatter HOPE
It cannot corrode FAITH
It cannot destroy CONFIDENCE
It cannot kill FRIENDSHIP
It cannot shut out MEMORIES
It cannot silence COURAGE
it cannot invade the SOUL
It cannot destroy PEACE
It cannot quench SPIRIT
It cannot lessen the POWER OF THE RESURRECTION
IT CANNOT STEAL ETERNAL LIFE!