If you are anything like me, many seasons of my life thus far have been “in the gray” zone. Some seasons are more dark gray- where the answer I was wanting was far from what I had hoped. In those seasons I often feel all chewed up and spit out.
This was very much the season when we were awaiting a diagnosis of our late daughter, Olly. She was 1 1/2 years old and something was really really wrong- not walking, talking, loosing the ability to sit or roll. For the better part of nine months we lived in limbo on what was going on. The doctors were all befuddled, tests results were all reporting everything was normal, meanwhile our baby girl was loosing skills day by day.
Then there are other seasons where the verdict has been more so “light gray” and I could learn to cope and accept the path ahead. For me- this was learning I couldn’t bear children and my husband and I would have to adopt.
In some seasons the gray seems to last forever, where you are not sure if there is any color in the world anymore. Almost as if life itself is playing on a black and white TV. The world and everyone around you is moving forward, meanwhile you are watching from afar; stuck, lost, maybe even afraid or anxious to learn what might happen next.
I am a numbers and spreadsheets kind of girl. I love black and white. I love knowing if something is right or wrong. I love knowing when I’m right (or wrong), just ask my husband. HA! This is why economics, math, statistics, data analysis, and business intelligence gets me fired up. There is often an obvious answer. I get the confirmation I desire and have the data to back me up.
In my short life, I have started to learn that life is more often then not shades of gray versus the black or white as I had hoped.
Over time I am slowly beginning to appreciate all the shades of gray. Some of them are soft and welcoming, like my favorite flannel scented candle. And other shades of gray can be agreeable- like the walls in my home (Sherwin Williams “agreeable gray”).
But some shades of gray are just downright ugly - like makes you want to hurl and question why anyone would ever (like ever) paint a room “that shade” of gray. My world was this shade of gray this past week- learning that my husband may have had Leukemia or Lymphoma (spoiler- he doesn’t). But ooooft- living under that ugly storm cloud could have wreaked havoc if we let it in our home this past week.
Living in the gray is not all that bad when you have some survival tips. Here are a few of mine:
Get an umbrella! Don’t let the gray storm cloud into your home. This means that we must flex our faith muscles, trust in Gods outcome and will, and not let the worry or “what ifs” invade our day to day.
This is for the people who just cannot follow #1 above- role play. Give yourself permission to start rolling the tape forwards for 5 minutes. Set a timer and jot down all the possible scenarios from a 500 foot view. If we do this, we may just learn that while some of the outcomes may down right suck, other outcomes are just as possible.
Find healthy distractions to get outside yourself. This might look like volunteering, helping out a friend with a project around their home, or teaching yourself or your kiddos a new skill (like how to sort laundry or load a dishwasher).
Get physical! Take a walk, go for a jog, have a dance party, do some stretching or yoga for 30 minutes a day. There are so many mental health benefits from simply moving our bodies.
Confide in a few close friends on what is really going on. Don’t carry the load yourself- let people in and accept their wisdom, help, and prayer.
Pray! Pray for God’s strength, his courage, his determination, his healing, his wisdom, and his grace to flow through you.
Expect the unexpected. Some of life’s greatest blessings come when we least expect them. We can be in a total lightning storm and then some miracle happens that shows us God is still there. Look for the unexpected!
Get your battle gear ready! Whether it be the enemy or a really crummy day, often times crappy things happen in multiples. The enemy likes to attack when we are already down. So be prepared for the attacks and use worship music, prayer, and Bible study to give you that extra hedge of protection you need.
Know that some trials are testing your character. Sometimes I like to ask myself when facing some sort of storm: What if this is a test? What if God is “testing” my character in this exact moment? What if the way I handle this situation with determine my next blessing, miracle, or promotion? What is God trying to teach me though this? For what reason is my God using this experience to bless me or someone else?
My prayer for you reading today, is that you would know you are never (I mean it- never) alone. You are not lost, you are not hopeless, you are not forgotten. God sees it all and he will go to the ends of the earth for his children to bring them back home (Luke 15:4-7).
We need to learn how to get cozy in the gray seasons and also remember that it won’t always be this gray. Rainbows always appear after the storm, not before it. We have to expect a little rain before we see our rainbows in life too!