Today (March 19th) is my daughter Mara's ninth birthday! She entered our lives beautifuly and abruptly through adoption. To say we are grateful for her birth family would be an understatement of huge proportions.
Mara's middle name is Joy, and she lives up to her middle name daily. Her smile lights up a room like a disco ball, her energy and laughter is probably more contagious than Covid, and the amount of care and kindness she shows others is inspiring and humbling as a parent.
As Mara grows each year, I can sense her independence, confidence, and character growing exponentially. She loves Jesus, loves the church, and cares deeply for those who are lost or need help. I also am reminded more and more each year by God that Mara is not truly mine, but his. She is under my wings only for a short while, but she is under God's wings forever. This letting go thing - ooofdah, still working on that! It's not easy, but I've had my fair share of practice...
On this very day three years ago, our second adopted daughter (Olly Belle, who was almost two years old), came home from the hospital for the last time. Olly had Tay-Sachs disease, was on hospice, and we knew she would go home to the lord soon. We celebrated one last birthday, one last time, together as a family of four on this day. It was both beautiful and bittersweet.
I wish I could sing Elsa's song "Let it go" as freely as she does in the movie Frozen. Elsa finds freedom in her song: letting go of hiding her secret powers and breaking free from the obligations and expectations of her home town.
I think you and I can agree- letting go sometimes is hard. It can sometimes rip your heart right out of your chest. Yet other times it can bring you great joy and peace knowing you've done your part and it's time for your little birdies to fly out of the nest.
In my situation, it felt a lot like one of my baby chicks had just hatched. But it sang its song a little more unique than the others. The little birdie was then asked by God to leave the nest much sooner than momma birdie was ready. The baby bird happy followed Gods calling and soared to the heavens.
I don't truly know being a momma if i'll ever feel ready for my birdies to leave the nest. But maybe I'm in good company and most of us aren't ever truly ready? Or maybe with time the weight of it all becomes lighter, more freeing, more welcomed like Elsa felt?
Today, I want to encourage you friend, that it is possible to carry intense feelings in the exact same moment. For me, today I will be celebrating my daughters birthday in Disney World. There will be so much joy, happiness, and sugar!
While at the same time I will carry the grief and pain and sarrow that my other birdie, Olly, is not with us in the flesh to celebrate. I know in my heart she will be celebrating with us today, and she's going to leave us signs and happy little quincidences all day long to tell us she's here and celebrating big sissy's day too!
But life is hard! And life is wonderful! Life is filled with so many unmet expectations. Yet also filled with so many surprises and unexpected detours. Life is intense in the most beautiful and heartfelt ways. But to know Jesus and to know that there is a heaven can make all the difference!
I pray that today you know you are not alone. That you feel a spiritual presence that is welcomed and gentle around you. That you know your are deeply cared for by a Heavenly Father who already knows your story - all the good stuff and all the bad stuff. And that you are truly loved exactly as you are and where you are. There is nothing you can do to earn or lose his love. It's there for you, always!
"One day there'll be no more lives taken too soon
One day there'll be no more need for a hospital room
One day every tear that falls will be wiped by His hand
We will see the promised land
Hallelujah, there will be healing
From this heartbreak we've been feeling
We'll sing in the darkest night
'Cause we know that the light will come
And there will be healing, hallelujah"