"If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving."
- Martin Luther King Jr.
This past Christmas and New Year was our first official as a family of five. My husband and I were so humbled and excited to be giving our girls a Christmas to remember- filled with so much joy, hope, love, excitement, and adventures.
Under the tree were remote control cars, hot wheels, LOL dolls, burrito blankets, and lego sets. All things we had planned to enjoy with them over winter break, while we share in all the magic and joy that Christmas brings to childhood. We know all too well with our nine-year-old that time goes by way to fast, that we must try our hardest to savor the moments whenever we can. But.... Christmas didn't go quite as planned. Instead of playing with cars we had Covid. Instead of adventuring out into the snow, we had adenovirus. Instead of using our imaginations playing with all the new dolls, we had Influenza B. And instead of baking, building Lego sets, and bonding, we had bronchitis. I kid you not, every four days we had another person in our family down for the count. I myself hugging the toilet on New Years Eve, nursing a migraine and fighting to keep any fluids and meds I could down, all while my family sluggishly watched the New Years Celebrations on the TV.
This past Christmas was anything but adventurous. By my birthday, January 8th, we were all starting to finally feel ourselves again. That night I was able to weep and share my grieving heart with my husband. I was upset, sad, angry, disappointed, and felt robbed of our first Christmas together as a family of five. All our plans fell apart and we had very little control over that.
If your Christmas was anything like ours- filled with sorrow, grief, unmet expectations, or bitter disappointment, I give you permission to grieve. Its healthy to recognize our feelings, to release them out into the universe in healthy ways, and know that these feelings won't last forever.
Once I was able to process my grief, I began to rack my brain for all the silver linings I could recall. I find that focusing on all the negatives for too long doesn't serve me well. But when I start to search for those silver linings, moments we did have joy, and moments were God was lifting us up, the world starts to seem a little brighter.
Sure, we were sick. And not just a little sick - two trips to the ER sick. But in light of that, our girls had a chance to step up and be the big helpers we always knew they could be. They got to see Mom and Dad sick, and how they too took care of each other. Our girls were cheering one another up, learning to resolve their differences without Mom and Dad interjecting as much, and helping each other learn to unbox toys (those LOL dolls I swear are glued into their boxes).
Our girls also experienced joy in playing with their remote control cars in the basement, our Daisy pup chasing the cars and providing endless laughs to us all. Given the lack of appetites, our kids all grazed on the snacks our tummies could tolerate- pringles chips, popsicles, and ginger ale being chart toppers. They thought it was great!
All this to say- that even in the trenches we can find silver linings and hope. A pastor at our church, Jason Laird, recently shared in his message that “Hope is not discovered, it is decided”. Unlike Covid, Adenovirus, or Influenza - hope is not a feeling you can “catch”, it is a decision. We have to daily choose hope over all the other feelings this world tells us we have a right to feel. Even in the valleys of despair, frustration, confusion, disappointment, or disbelief, we can still choose hope.
Romans 15:4 says: "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." The bible is not a book of to-do lists, it is a book of stories of encouragement and results when you choose hope, when you choose joy, when you choose to follow the way and truth and light that is Jesus.
Whatever you may be going through, know that I am praying for you friend. I am cheering for you on the sidelines and I know that if God can provide, carry me through these seasons, and even move mountains for me, surely he will do the same for you. We just need to keep the hope. Keep hoping for a better tomorrow. Keep hoping for your dreams and passions to become a reality. Keep hoping, even when the situation appears dire and you feel God is distant. I promise you he is always there- listening, watching, guiding.
"I'll be your way
When there's no way out
And I'll be your strength
When your strength runs out
And if you walk into the fire
I'll be right there in the flames
I wouldn't have it any other way
'Cause loving you is easy, yeah
Don't you give up on me
Don't you give up on me
'Cause when the night's at its darkest
That's when the light hits the hardest"