Have you ever heard a song and it captured a season of your life so effervescently? Well for me this song is Hills and Valleys by Tauren Wells:
"On the mountains, I will bow my life to the One who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the One who sees me there
When I'm standing on the mountain, I didn't get there on my own
When I'm walking through the valley I know I am not alone
You're God of the hills and valleys"
In my current season of life - there is so much joy and also so much pain being held in both hands. I sort of feel like a kid on Halloween being asked to dig into the candy bowl. With no inhibitions, both hands dive in, fully grasping everything their hands can possibly hold. Both hands are full and clenched tight onto all that candy.
Today my joy today comes from several things - my husband's health, our new lake home, our amazing friends, dance, and church families. My biggest joy though, comes from a decision my eight year old daughter made today - she chose to follow Jesus. Today my daughter decided to make a public declaration of her faith and was water baptized!
In our church, baptism is reserved as a choice and not something chosen for you as an infant. Its a beautiful thing to see adults and children choosing God and making that a declaration. It also brings me Joy to know that our heavenly family was a part of it too- watching, cheering, praying, rejoicing, and shedding happy tears with us. In the world we live in today, it brings me such hope and peace to know that even in the rubble of death and grief, God still wins and he keeps pursuing us day after day after day.
Today my pain also comes from several things too. First is the immense grief that my youngest daughter, Olly Belle, is in heaven and not physically here with us to witness her big sister's baptism. Secondly, as I write today (May 1st), it is also the Sunday before mother's day, which is also dubbed "Bereaved Mothers Day". Its a day to recognize all the bereaved Mommas in our life- whether they have lost a young child, old child, babies in the womb, or are experiencing infertility. Being in this fan club means checking in on lots of my momma friends, sitting next to them in their own grief, and just being there in the silence and tears. Lastly - my physical body has been extremely tired, probably overworked, and is ready for a week long nap.
Holding both of these, joy and pain, in tandem can be hard work. At some point, we have to lay it all down (hopefully at Jesus's feet) and allow ourselves some peace and rest.
Say you have an 8 ounce glass of water you are holding in one hand. If you hold the glass of water for a minute, it's not a problem. If you hold it for an hour, your arm will begin to ache. If you hold it for a day, your arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass does not change – but the longer you hold it the heavier it becomes.
This can be true for both joy and pain. Eventually, we have to set that "water glass" down. We have to give ourselves some breathing room, some space, some time to take deep breaths. Now I know this is not easy and for some of us, the pain is physical and cannot just be "put down" in such ways.
But did you know that in all of this, there are spirits (i.e. the enemy) working against you? These spirits want you to keep holding onto the "water glass" indefinitely. These spirits will whisper lies to you and convince you to believe those lies over and over again. These spirits will attack your health, you children, your marriage, and anything else that will prevent you from following the path God has meticulously designed for you.
In her book Prayer Warrior, Stormie Omartian says "if you are living with depression, anger, the inability to forgive, severe loneliness, doubt, fear, anxiety, hopelessness, feelings of futility, feeling unloved, or as if it's you against everyone else, know that these negative thoughts are the enemy's favorite tactic against you. He is taking his war to your most vulnerable place. He can probably get us there easier than anyplace else because we are quick to think that this misery is just the way we are. Or that we deserve to feel this way".
Wowza! War? Yep, war! The enemy has declared since the day we were born a war against our hearts, our minds, our children, our marriages, our families, our world. He will do everything in his power to circumvent God's will over your life.
For me today, this war meant feeling sick, tired, and losing my voice on my daughters baptism day. It meant my voice couldn't be heard today during worship at church. It meant I couldn't be the one to loudly pray over my daughter as she was baptized. It meant certain words were not said today because it just hurts to talk. But the enemy messed with the wrong Momma bear!
So what do we do about this war against us?
We must recognize there is a war and call out the enemy and his tactics in the daily battles. The enemy is so sneaky, subtle, and mischievous. He knows our buttons well and will push them over and over again each hour of each day.
We must pray. We should pray daily for God's help, his wisdom, his peace, his joy, and his power to invade our lives and situations. Also remember that we can ask others to pray with us or over us too! Prayer is so powerful and can literally change destiny and eternity.
We should do our very best to always focus on whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). The enemy delights in evil and will plant seeds where evil can lurk - social media, news, music, movies, books, and the list goes on.
If you are like me today, I pray that you can unclench those fists full of candy and and let them fall to the ground like confetti. I pray that if you have been holding a water glass full of pain, grief, sorrow, shame, or anxiety that you are able to set it down tonight and give your arm (and spirit) some rest. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9).